


The Rock and the Rut

by natsora



Series: The Lost Daughter [11]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Mass Effect 3, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Whump, medical whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsora/pseuds/natsora
Summary: Words may be a stone in your pocket, to be carried with you at all times. Something comfortable and familiar, its sides worn smooth. Words may also be an anchor around your neck, weighing you down with every step you take. Their edges sharp, they pierce and draw blood.When Liara receives words she didn’t ask for, she doesn’t realise the significance of them until Shepard’s life lies at the crossroads of a choice she must make.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni
Series: The Lost Daughter [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1033502
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	The Rock and the Rut

**Author's Note:**

> Was supposed to be an angst fest but I think it has veered into whump-land.

“Hey! They have cotton candy,” Shepard exclaimed, letting go of Liara’s hand. 

“Where—” Before the question could even leave her mouth, Shepard had taken off like a bullet. Twisting her body to fit between the press of aliens and asaris swarming the Earth Festival at the Citadel. 

Neon bright red hair pulled into a single braid marked Shepard out, she craned her neck back at Liara. “Just go check out the booths, maybe that table we walked past earlier with those pretty rocks,” she shouted. “I’ll come find you later.”

Just like that, the crowd swallowed the Saviour of the Citadel like she was never there before. Liara sighed, she couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up. The months since Therum had been a whirlwind, much like the Commander herself. 

She lost her mother, watched her die in her arms. She might not have seen eye to eye with her mother, but this was _her_ mother. They were supposed to have decades if not centuries where her mother would hover at the peripheral of her life whether or not she liked it. That should have shattered her, but the Commander did her best to help her through it even as she was hunting down a rouge Spectre. 

In those months, she found purpose beyond moving from dig site to dig site, trying to find irrefutable physical evidence to her theories. She found friends, some she was closer to than others, but friends all the same. And she even fell in love, a little. 

Liara sighed, trying to clear the image of Shepard smirking from her mind. It wouldn’t do to give the Commander more power over her _after_ she made her decision very clear when Kaidan confronted them. The night before Ilos was answer enough for her. 

She walked towards the booth Shepard had suggested. The rocks they had on the table were interesting. Their banner had boasted about _rare_ fossils. It would be interesting to see what Earth had to offer. 

Liara couldn’t even say how she got roped in on this trip. The rest of the original crew had disembarked, their mission was over. Shepard spent a week in the hospital and then a couple more convalescing as she went through rehab. Apparently, there was nobody for Shepard to bug, since Ashley and Kaidan were otherwise occupied with their actual jobs. Her own departure for Hesano wasn’t for another couple of days. She had nothing better to do and when Shepard used those puppy dog eyes of hers, she gave in. 

Stepping past the area where they had meat over open fires, Liara sniffed at all the exotic smells. Maybe she could get Shepard to tell her what the meats were, once the Commander hunted down the fable cotton candy. Dodging her way around a krogan and turian pair who had their arms linked, she found the booths. They were out of the main pathways and had significantly less foot traffic. 

She smiled as she found the table she was looking for. Larger rocks were organised in neat little rows, the smaller ones were collected in baskets. They were every colour she could imagine. Some were polished into a gleaming mirror finish while others remained in their rough and raw state. Just as she was about to pick one up, a hand intercepted hers. 

For a moment, her heart leapt, assuming it was Shepard back with the hyped up cotton candy. A smile on her face she turned, but instead a familiar pair of brilliant green eyes looking at her, she found a strange pair of dark brown ones.

“Who are you?” Liara asked warily, trying to tug her hand free. The refresher combat training she had on the Normandy itching at the back of her mind. 

The stranger only tightened her grip. “Come here, dear, let me tell your fortune. It will be accurate.”

“Fortune?” Curiosity trumped her sense of danger.

“Yes, yes,” the woman started walking towards a table set up even further from the others. 

Liara spotted the holographic banner hung above it. Madam Fate’s Fortune Telling, it read. There was a list of services and prices in a font size so small it might as well not have been there. A glowing blue orb completed the banner. The entire thing flickered on and off like it wasn’t plugged in properly. Liara allowed herself to be guided into the chair situated in front of the table. The woman, assumingly Madam Fate herself, took the seat opposite her, but not before pulling on a black lace shawl and draped it over her head and shoulders. 

On the table, Liara spotted a deck of cards. Ashley and Joker had taught her how to play blackjack. She was nothing but a quick study once she put her mind to it. These weren’t anything she was familiar with. 

There was also a round object covered by a piece of black velvet cloth. Intrigued, Liara leaned in closer. Madam Fate held out her hand at her, Liara stared at it, confused. Madam Fate sucked on her teeth irritably. “Your hand, please.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” 

Madam Fate’s hand was cool, unlike Shepard’s. Perhaps Shepard ran a little warmer because she was a biotic, closer to an asari’s temperature. There might be some studies on this subject she could find on the extranet. 

Madam Fate’s grip on her palm dragged Liara from her musing. The human hummed as she stared at her palm. Liara’s eyebrows rose as she scrutinised her other free palm. There was nothing interesting to see as far as she could tell. It was just typical pebbled texture of an asari skin. They were of uneven sizes but typically larger and courser ones covered parts where one’s hand came in contact with objects, allowing for better grip, while the smaller, finer ones filed out the rest. 

Liara couldn’t see any patterns in them. Though now that she was looking at it, she hadn’t been moisturising like she should. The Citadel’s climate control wasn’t quite like the Normandy’s. 

Madam Fate sighed and released Liara’s hand. She shoved the deck of cards at Liara. “Hold the question of something you would like the answer to and shuffle the deck.”

Liara’s traitorous mind couldn’t settle on one question as she shuffled the cards. It leapt from anxieties regarding her new dig site at Hesano, to wondering if she would see any of her newfound friends again, in particular Shepard, and everything else in between. Madam Fate cleared her throat pointedly. She immediately placed the shuffled deck back on the table. 

Madam Fate sniffed and drew three cards with a flourish that almost displaced the black shawl from her head. As she wrestled her shawl back into place, Liara studied the cards. The first showed a human man and woman standing naked while a third with wings looked down upon them. The second was a human heart stabbed by three blades. The final was a human man riding a horse. His head was nothing but a skull. 

Liara looked at Madam Fate expectantly. Her face lit up. “You have difficult times ahead,” she declared. “Let me peer into my crystal ball for more details.”

She tugged the velvet cloth off. Underneath was a round object that glowed blue with tendrils of red light trapped within. As Madam Fate placed her finger tips against it, the red strands followed the path of her fingers over the cheap plastic dome. Liara waited, holding her breath. 

Madam Fate gasped, tilting her head backwards, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Liara stiffened. This was highly irregular. Maybe she needed medical attention. Liara’s finger hovered over her omni-tool, ready to call the emergency services when Madam Fate spoke. “When the daughter of Demeter and Poseidon looms in your sight, fate twists and path splits,” her voice came out in a dry rasp. 

Liara froze, half standing from her seat, wondering if fortune telling was supposed be like this. Humans and their strange activities were getting increasingly confusing by the minute. 

“Life or death, it all lies in your hands,” Madam Fate cried out before slumping over. 

Before she could call the emergency services, a familiar voice called out, “There you are! I’m been looking everywhere for you.” 

Liara stood, the chair scrapping against the floor with a screech. Shepard approached with a self-satisfied smirk plastered across her face. She looked far from the dashing Hero of the Citadel. The press photo taken straight after Elysium was once again plastered everywhere. Dressed in her worn N7 black hoodie, a pair of knee length black shorts and red sneakers, the Cmmander was approaching with two huge fluffy pink clouds stuck on a stick. The only trace of the Commander behind the woman was in those green eyes. They took in the situation in a flash. Liara had seen her sizing up combat situations with the same intensity. 

“Is everything ok?” Shepard asked, handing a stick of cotton candy to her. 

Relief ran in a ripple over her crest, easing the tension across her shoulders. Shepard was here. She would know how to deal with this. “I think she needs some medical assistance. She was gasping and rasping like she can’t breathe before. Maybe we should call C-Sec?”

“No, C-Sec,” Madam Fate spluttered, waving away the suggestion, “I am fine. Just pay me and be on your way.”

“How much is it?” 

“Call it a discount, 750 credits.”

Before Liara could react, Shepard stepped between them. “750 credits, what exactly have you done for her?”

Shepard’s 1.6 metre frame couldn’t possibly be physically intimidating, but there was an energy that radiated from her short human frame, one of danger and violence. Madam Fate cleared her throat. “I read her palm, gave her a tarot card and crystal ball reading.”

Shepard glanced at Liara. She nodded. Though it was probably appropriate to inform Shepard she didn’t exactly asked for any of them, but she didn’t want any more trouble. It was expensive, but she could afford them. There was no need to make the situation any more awkward than it was. 

“750 is daylight robbery, and you know it.” Shepard pulled a strand from her stick of fluffy pink cloud before stuffing it into her mouth. “250 not a single credit more.”

Madam Fate frowned, raising to her feet. She folded her arms across her ample chest. “That’s just cheating. My prices are clearly stated on my banner.” 

“Your banner’s dead.”

Madam Fate snorted and stepped out to realise the banner had fizzled out. 

“Shepard, I will pay and let us just go,” Liara said, finger already tapping away on her omni-tool. “It’s fine.”

“But—” Shepard protested, but the credits were already transferred. 

“There, done.”

“T’Soni,” Shepard sighed in exasperation. “That’s just not right. She is overcharging you.” She leaned in closer, using the stick of cotton candy as a barrier between them and Madam Fate, she stage-whispered, “She’s cheating you out of your credits.”

Madam Fate was spluttered and reddening by the second. 

“Goddess, Shepard, Let’s just enjoy the rest of the fair, please,” she pleaded, tugging on Shepard’s arm. Shepard’s gaze softened. She shot a hard glare at Madam Fate again, immediately silencing Madam Fate’s protests before allowing Liara to drag her away. 

The rest of the day whizzed by in a flash like the cotton candy melting on her tongue, sugary sweet and gone too soon. Madam Fate’s words faded just as quickly from her memory. 

* * *

“Incoming!” Liara shouted. 

She sent a wave of dark energy out, catching the last of the Husks in a stasis field. Rifle fire peppered into their mass ending their miserable half existence. As the stasis field dissipated, a roar rocked the platform. She didn’t need to see what it was to know it was a Brute. Yet another one. 

“Cover me!” Ashley screamed as she dove for cover, the Brute was frighteningly close. 

The battle raged on since Shepard took the Triton down into the depths of 2181 Despoina. Liara kept close to the shuttle. It was their only hope out of this Goddess forsaken planet. Ashley ranged forward, allowing her shotgun to do the talking for them. She wrapped a barrier around Ashley, letting go instantly once the other second human Spectre found cover. Her strength was waning. Battle stretched time, seconds ticked over to minutes and then hours. They could only hold on for so long. 

“Cortez, any word from Shepard?” Ashley shouted, firing her Spectre grade shotgun, punching literal holes through flesh and guts. It sent offal and blood flying everywhere, but still the Brute came, swinging its massive arms at them. 

“Negative, Spectre Williams,” Cortez reported. “Comms are still down.”

“Fuck!” she shouted. “We have to go. It’s been hours. Shepard is not coming back”

“No!” Liara sent a solid lance of biotic energy through the Brute’s head. “Shepard will return.”

It wasn’t merely confidence in Shepard’s ability to defy the odds, this was conviction. Liara had watched Shepard dragged a body long drained of strength and exhausted in spirit through every single mission the Alliance threw at her since her reinstatement. She survived Alchera, she survived the Collectors, she would survive this. 2181 Despoina would not be the end of Shepard. The galaxy needed her too much. _She_ needed Shepard.

The Brute’s head exploded under the pressure of her biotics, sending bone fragments slicing through the air like shrapnel. The massive amalgamation of krogan and turian victims, forged into a mindless beast by reaper tech, fell to the ground.

Liara let her arm drop, she disengaged her face plate and forced another energy drink down her throat, fuel for the next Brute, and the next one and the one after that. The drink was sickeningly sweet, exactly the kind Shepard like, her mind tossed that information at her. Eyes closed, she turned her head skywards. Cold rain hit her face as her breath condensed against the chill air. 

Ashley didn’t speak. She levered herself to her feet and trudged towards Cortez. Their heavy breathing rattled through comms, while Shepard’s line remained a constant static. Everyone was at the end of their line. 

“Look, Liara,” Ashley started, loading a fresh clip into her shotgun, stuffing more into the webbing of her armour. Through her helmet, Liara could see the wavering conviction in her eyes. “It’s been two fucking hours.” 

Two hours, seven minutes and four seconds, Liara’s omni-tool display informed her. Her chest tightened uncomfortably. Between the comms and the endless waves of hostiles, hope was a precious commodity that was fast running out. This was exactly why Liara had to hold on to hers. “Shepard will come back,” she repeated, re-engaging her face plate. “She must.”

Whatever Ashley wanted to say was swallowed up by a roar that shook the entire platform. Two Brutes were stomping across the platform, heading towards them. The cries of Husks was a counter point in a horrible choral song of Reaper beasts. Toes nails chittering as they scrapped against the wet floor. Liara took a deep breath, shoring what meagre energy she had left.

“Here we fucking go again!” Ashley growled.

Reaching in, digging deep, Liara drew power from within herself and unleashed her apprehension, her anxiety and her fear as a wave of dark energy sweeping the husks off their feet. Ashley tore them down with her shotgun. 

A boom rocked the platform, nearly throwing them all off-balance. “Goddess, please not another Brute. We can’t handle three at a go,” Liara hissed through gritted teeth. Tightening her grip on her pistol, she saw the Triton had returned. “Shepard,” the first was a whisper, the second was a roar to rival a Brute’s “Shepard!” 

The Triton was so close to the Brutes. Its arrival had drew their attention. Liara’s heart was lodged painfully in her mouth. 

“Cover me!” Ashley shouted, rushing over without heed of the Brutes. 

As much as Liara wanted to rush over, to hold Shepard in her arms, to check her over, to make sure she was fine, but Ashley was closer and _she_ had the ability to pull a barrier up. The heavy shield of the Triton groaned and disengaged. Liara ventured as far as she dared from the Kodiak, stretching the limits of her abilities, maintaining two separate barriers.

Shepard fell out. She hit the sleek platform head first, limp and lifeless. Liara’s rib cage grew two sizes too small. “Cortez! The Kodiak!” she barked. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t Alliance, Cortez leapt to her order. 

The first of the Brutes made its way towards the Kodiak. A massive fist slammed against her barrier. She could feel its echo hammering against her mind. “Ashley, hurry,” she growled, “I cannot hold forever.”

Ashley grunted and lifted Shepard in a fireman’s carry. Her pace was agonisingly slow as she laboured under Shepard’s weight. Liara’s jaw was clenched so tight she wondered if her teeth would crack. The second Brute roared at the edges of the shimmering blue dome, backing away as it lowered its head for a charge. Its target, Ashley and Shepard. 

Liara’s arms were lead anchors she fought to keep them up, holding the barriers in her mind. Her head felt like it was being squeezed between a vice, hellbent on doing her skull in. 

“Drive core engaged, thrusters active!” Cortez yelled. Hot air from the thrusters super heated the pooling water around them, sending water slamming into her back like rocks pelting her. 

Liara was an asari, eezo was laced through her body. She was biotics made flesh, but even then, there was a limit to what a body could sustain. Time stretched and pulled, an elastic band that warped the senses. Her biotics flickered and spluttered like a flame against a storm. Lightning shot up her spine into her skull as the Brute slammed its fists against her barrier again and again. She cried out, a raw guttural sound partly in pain, partly in sheer determination.

Ashley ran, her shotgun slapped against her torso, slung on a strap across her chest. Shepard’s head bounced against her back, arms flopped bonelessly. The space between the relative safety of the shuttle and Ashley’s labouring form was a mere five metres. The rapidly shrinking edge of Liara’s second barrier chasing her every step of the way.

**Four metres.**   
Liara fell to her knees as another blow against her barrier sent stabs up her spine. 

**Three metres.**  
The second Brute’s lumbering steps was gaining on them. Her barrier wasn’t going to stand up to another Brute’s onslaught. 

**Two metres.**   
The Kodiak’s drive core spun up faster. It lifted off from the ground. Liara could feel the heat against her back. 

**One metre.**  
The second Brute was upon them. Fear was the ice running through her veins, stealing her breath and squeezing her lungs. 

“Liara!” Cortez called. 

That was her signal. A barrier wasn’t going to do them any good now. Far better she let it fall than suffer the backlash when it shattered. Ashley all but toss Shepard into the Kodiak as the Brutes charged at them. When Liara tried to take a step, she fell to her knees, twin spikes of pain lancing up her kneecaps. An arm wrapped around her waist and hauled her bodily backwards into the shuttle as the Brutes loomed over her. Ashley’s shotgun roared, fending off the husks that were everywhere. 

“Go, go, go!” Ashley screamed. 

The Kodiak’s drive core joined Ashley’s voice in a sharp whine, thrusters sending air sweeping into the body of the shuttle. They barely cleared a metre off the ground when one of the Brutes raised their hands to the Kodiak. Ashley stood, rain whipping against her armour, one hand hanging onto a grab bar, her shotgun in the other. Hands slamming a fresh clip into her weapon as she sent shot after shot slamming into the Brute, but those arms were undeterred. 

Liara forced herself to her feet. Goddess take her jittery limbs. She had to do something. Those arms were coming down and coming down fast. Ashley’s shots were doing nothing. Scrapping at the bottom of her well of dark energy, her mouth went dry when she realised she had barely anything left to give. To push was to risk permanent injury, for an asari an overload was a matter of life and death, but the Brute was relentless. It was going to damage their shuttle and stranding them. It would not only seal their fates but the entire galaxy’s. 

A second roar louder than the first slammed like a physical force against her chest. The Kodiak’s drive core whined louder as it fought gravity to move faster. The second Brute lunged at the first, and just like that, they were safe. Liara sank back onto the floor as the doors sealed. Her eyes fluttering shut, she needed a moment to rest. Helmet rattling with her head inside it, vibrations travelling through into her body as Cortez pushed the shuttle to escape velocity. 

Relief was short lived. “We got a Reaper inbound.”

Liara launched herself to her feet, rushing to the cockpit. Everything outside was black. Space was dark, but this was a Reaper up close. Angular edges and sharp lines gleamed blue, lights from the Kodiak reflected against its metallic carapace. Her breath quickened, her hand gripped the back of Cortez’s chair, fingers digging into its frame. Helpless, they were helpless. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Cortez yelled, his hands flying across the panels before him. 

The eye of the Reaper opened, molten red and hot. And it was cast upon them. They had no chance withstanding even a passing gaze of that thing. It took down dreadnoughts, shields and all, with ease. Alarms blared as the eye powered up. They were all screaming one thing — evade. 

Pressure mounted inside the shuttle. Air grew thin as the eye glowed ever brighter. “Goddnes, please have mercy.”

Between the space of a breath and the next, the alarms ceased. The red glow was gone, the Reaper went completely inert and was dragged down by 2181 Despoina’s gravity. A relieved huff of breath escaped her lips as she staggered back. 

The sound of armour plates hitting the floor drew her attention. Whirling around, Liara found Ashley ripping Shepard’s armour off. “Help me! She’s not breathing.”

* * *

Chakwas rushed in with a gurney the moment the shuttle doors open. “EDI, please,” she said with calm efficiency. 

EDI marched up and lifted Shepard’s limp body onto the gurney with ease. Liara jogged to keep up as they rushed towards the med-bay. She did not cast Ashley a backwards glance or thanked Cortez for getting them out of them. Shepard’s ashen blue face was all that filled her mind. 

She could still see Shepard, limp and lifeless, as Ashley sliced off her wet under suit. She could still feel the crinkly material of the Mylar blanket around her hands as they wrapped Shepard in it. She could still hear Ashley’s laboured breaths as she pushed her hands against Shepard’s chest over and over and over again. 

A continuous monotone whine snapping her out of it. Shepard’s hand hung off the medical table, the blanket was whipped off her body. When it came to life and death, modesty was the first thing to go. Chakwas worked a metal instrument into Shepard’s mouth before shoving a tube in. That was quickly hooked up to a machine and a hiss-click sound filled the space. 

“Esophageal probe,” Chakwas said.

EDI ripped the sterile packaging off and offered it to Chakwas. She took it and threaded it down Shepard’s throat before hooking up onto the monitor. A number popped up on it, Liara inched closer to look.

> Core temperature: 25˚C

It was way too low for a human, but they were on the Normandy now. There were equipment and drugs, more importantly Chakwas was here. 

“Epinephrine was administered by Spectre Williams, no shocks were delivered because the defibrillator was damaged,” EDI reported. 

Chakwas growled, a wordless sound of frustration. “Get the CPR aid.” The doctor laced her fingers together and pushed against Shepard’s chest. She counted under her breath. Under the harsh lights, Liara could see Shepard’s ribs bowing under the pressure. 

“Please, please, please.” An endless litany of pleas whispered under Liara’s breath.

Chakwas stepped back, sweat sheen across her brow. Between EDI and Chakwas, they turned Shepard over to place a hard board under her back, followed by a C shaped arm with a plunger positioned right above Shepard’s chest. With a touch of a button, the plunger pressed against Shepard’s chest. The machinery was relentless and tireless. Liara felt a sympathetic ache across her chest, a faint reflection of what Shepard’s body was going through. Could a human body take all of this? 

“Let’s start with the heated blankets and warmed IV fluids.”

A needle was inserted to the crock of Shepard’s arm. Warm water was cycled into her body, hoping to her rid of the chill of 2181 Despoina. A blanket, inflated with warm air, was quickly pulled over Shepard, leaving her chest and arms bare so that the CPR aid could continue to work. Even from where Liara stood, she could feel the heat radiating from it. She took a step forward, hand twitching towards Shepard. The impulse to hold her hand overwhelming, even if it was to find nothing but ice blocks for hands. 

The monitors continued to scream, an infernal whine that filled her ears. It was unbearable. Pulseless, dead, gone. 

Liara had to hold on to something. Any sense of hope she had before was battered to pieces under the cold rainy skies of 2181 Despoina. Her eyes honed in on Shepard’s face, ignored the breathing tube protruding from between her lips, dismissing how her body jerked as a machine crushed her ribs repeatedly, ignoring how the harsh lights of the med-bay turned her normally tanned skin a lifeless white, leaving only the red streaks of her revival to stand stark. She stopped right next to the medical table, back pressed against the wall. Her hands wrapped around herself, she tried to will life into Shepard.

The mission was a success, Shepard did what she set out to do. They had secured the Levithan’s help, didn’t they? That was why the Reaper just died. This could not be the end of Shepard. 2181 Despoina couldn’t have Shepard. 

> Core Temperature: 26˚C

Liara inhaled sharply Such a small number, but it meant so much. “Give me one miligram of epinephrine,” Chakwas ordered. 

Liara waited with bated breath as the drug was pushing into the IV port. The whine stopped, converting into an odd song of shrill beeps. 

“Attempting defibrillation,” Chakwas barked as she pressed gel pads onto Shepard’s chest. “Clear.” 

Shepard leapt off the table before falling back. The monitor registered a spike of frenzied activity. Tears sprang unbidden to Liara’s eyes as she bit down hard on her lip. Shepard’s heart lurched back to motion, no longer pulseless, no longer clinically dead. This was good news, but the furrow across Chakwas’ brow spoke differently. She slung more instructions. More drugs were administered, followed by more shocks. Each one sent a jolt into Liara’s chest like she was the one receiving them. Chakwas sagged against the counter behind her when EDI announced, “Normal sinus rhythm achieved.”

The knot in Liara’s chest eased. Shepard would be fine, she would wake and recover. She would stand and lead again. With a smirk on her face, she would laugh in the face of the Reapers. Liara clung onto that image with all her strength.

* * *

Minutes dragged on. The CPR aid was removed, the blanket tugged up to cover her chest. She lay with her hands, and feet exposed. Chakwas explained something about warming the trunk before the extremities. She tried to listen, but most of the information escaped her weary mind. 

This waiting was familiar. She waited in Therum for rescue. She waited again for Shepard to make a decision between Kaidan and herself as they chased Saren across the galaxy. Shepard picked Kaidan then much to her dismay. Then Shepard died, hopes and dreams, flesh and blood scattered across the cold skies of Alchera. With a broken heart, she handed over what was left of her friend to Cerberus and waited two whole years before Shepard crashed into her life at Illium, whole and broken at the same time. She waited again for news that the Normandy returned from the Omega Four relay. She held her breath when she heard Shepard turned herself in after Arahot. Then, the news of the Reapers hitting Earth reached her while she was at Mars, seeking for the solution to the end of the cycle. She waited once more for reinforcements. Shepard came like she hoped. With it came something else. Shepard was hardened steel on the outside, but brittle as glass inside. Words were exchanged, confessions made, and Shepard found home in her arms.

Now she was waiting, yet again. 

In between the calm of the wait, there were gut clenching episodes when Shepard’s heart slid back into arrhythmia and full cardiac arrest. Chakwas and EDI leapt into action. The CPR aid once more slamming its plunger against Shepard’s chest, more electricity and drugs forced into her body. As hard as it was to watch, Shepard always came back. Her heart laboured in its faltering way, but it always went on. 

> Core Temperature: 30˚C

Liara rubbed at her sandy eyes, forcing her jaw to work as she chewed on an energy bar. Her only concession towards comfort was stripping out of her armour, but it would take Grunt to come get her if anyone wanted her to move from her spot next to Shepard. Her eyes flicked between Shepard and the monitor. 

> Core Temperature: 30˚C

The numbers were burnt into her retinas. She crumpled the wrapper and stuffed it back in her pocket despite a recycler being right across the med-bay. It would take far too long to go there and back again, too long without Shepard’s hand in hers. 

“Her temperature has been stuck like that for hours.”

Chakwas sighed, unfolding herself from her chair. Her terminal was filled with medical journals she had been consulting, Shepard’s vitals displayed in a widget that took up a quarter of the screen’s real estate. In between the time she saw Chakwas for her pre-mission check and now, the doctor had aged ten years. Lines that feathered at the corners of her eyes had now craved into her skin. “We need to try something else.”

EDI stood up, instantly read, never tired. “What do you need me to do?”

“Get the three-way foley catheter, we will irrigate her bladder with warm water,” Chakwas turned her dull grey eyes to her. “Liara, you should go and rest. This will be a long process.”

Her grip on Shepard’s ice-cold hand tightening. “I’m not leaving her.” 

Chakwas sighed, no doubt already expecting her answer. EDI wheeled a new machine over as Chakwas folded the heated blanket up, baring everything below Shepard’s hip. “Please sterilise.”

A gel was quickly spread over Shepard’s groin as Chakwas snapped on a pair of gloves. Pushing Shepard’s feet to meet each other and bending her knees, it exposed Shepard fully to everyone in the room. Liara grimaced as Chakwas introduced a long thin tube into Shepard’s urethra. With the tube in place, secured to the inside of Shepard’s thigh, Shepard was quickly repositioned and the blanket was pulled down. 

“It will pump warm saline in and cycle it through,” Chakwas explained, slumping back onto her chair. She tugged the gloves with a snap and dropped them into a biohazard recycler. 

Liara nodded, her hand tightened anew around Shepard’s limp one. “Thank you,” she whispered.

The doctor shook her head. “Don’t thank me yet.” There was a tightness between her brow that Liara had never seen before. A missile to the face or a broken femur, it didn’t matter what wounds the crew had, Karin Chakwas dealt with it all with a calm and steadiness that rivalled asari matriarchs, but here and now, she was worried.

* * *

> Core Temperature: 31˚C.

It was working. The blue hue across Shepard’s skin faded like the receding tide. 

> Core Temperature: 32˚C

Chakwas trudged out of the med-bay under EDI’s advisement to grab a bite, but alarms screamed before she had even left for five minutes. She never left the med-bay again.

> Core Temperature: 33˚C

Liara was nodding off when Shepard’s heart faltered and failed again. Yet more drugs were shoved into Shepard, forcing her back to life. Chakwas’ eyes grew bleak.

> Core Temperature: 34˚C

Liara was never more exhausted. Her eyes red-rimmed, she clung bitterly to consciousness. Every single degree Celsius was hard fought for. It was paid for with tireless effort and grim determination. Drugs and machines took the place of soldiers and bullets in a battlefield across Shepard’s body. 

Every time the alarms blared, Liara’s ribs tightened, her heart lodged itself around her throat. Chakwas called for drug after drug, but this time the whine went on and on. The harder they fought, the further victory was, the lower Chakwas’ shoulders drooped. Ten minutes, twenty and then thirty. The CPR aid was a machine built to be relentless, but the human spirit was not. 

“I’m sorry,” Chakwas said, her words a whisper over the noise of the machines. “I’m calling it.” She turned CPR aid off, along with the monitor Liara had spent all that time staring at. 

> Core Temperature— 

All that was left was the hiss-clink sound from the ventilator. Chakwas’ finger was poised on its panel. 

“No!” Liara knocked Chakwas’ hand away, shifting to keep the doctor away. “You can’t do this.”

EDI lowered her arms to her sides, her retinas expanding and contracting as she took in the scene. 

“I have to, for Shepard,” Chakwas said, her voice so quiet Liara almost couldn’t hear it. “I took an oath to do no harm. To go on is to harm.” She braced herself at the foot of the medical table, her shoulders slumped low in defeat. “To go on isn’t mercy, to go on isn’t healing.”

“But, Shepard has a chance, we just have to try harder,” Liara pointed out, voice raising where Chakwas’ went flat and weary. “She cannot die. We need her, the galaxy need her!”

Chakwas lifted her head, silver hair tumbling over her face. “We have done everything. She is maxed out on all the drugs we can give her without causing irreparable damage to her organs. To go on is merely torture.”

Teeth gritted tight, Liara dismissed Chakwas, calling out instead to EDI. “Please help me.” Her fingers fumbling across the panels as she sought to turn the machines back on. 

EDI remained still. “Commander Shepard told me in all medical matters Dr. Chakwas’ orders take precedence over everyone else’s.” 

Desperation shook her hands, but Liara brought her omni-tool to help her. She couldn’t just give up.

“Why Liara?” Chakwas asked. “Why keep trying?”

The question was a lightning bolt into her head. “Why do I keep trying?” Her voice was hushed. Her hands fell to her sides and curled into fists. “Because Shepard is a remarkable woman, she wouldn’t give up on any of us. Because the turian-krogan alliance wouldn’t survive without Shepard holding their hands. Because Thessia still needs her help. Because she is the only one who who holds the beacons’ information inside her head,” her voice rose with every sentence. They felt like broken pieces of glass cutting their way out of the throat. “She might well hold the key to translating the crucial information we need to find the Catalyst.” 

Every reason she put forth was logical and reasonable. There were personal reasons too, but they felt too selfish to utter when planets burn and colonies die under the heat of a Reaper’s red glare every single day. But those reasons rang loud in her head.

EDI blinked and moved to close the distance between them. Liara tensed, half wondering if she had to fight EDI. She wouldn’t want to fight her friends, but for Shepard she would. 

“Commander Shepard always asks me to weigh both sides of the argument and to make my own decisions. She is key to uniting everyone under a single banner. In view of the crisis the galaxy is facing, it beholds us to keep trying. Dr. T’Soni, I will help you.”

Relief swept over her crest as Liara stepped aside, allowing EDI access to the panels. Chakwas eyed both of them with a scowl. “EDI, please stop.”

“Dr. Chakwas, I am not a member of the Alliance Command, the chain of command does not apply to me.”

Chakwas shook her head, her grey eyes dull and tired. “Don’t be selfish. Shepard has done enough, she deserves her rest. She doesn’t need us desecrating her body like this. Make the right choice.”

The monitors were turned on again. The monotonous whine was an insidious sound that crawled and filled all the spaces in Liara’s mind. The sound stretched and warped strangely as she squeezed her eyes shut. One moment she was in the Normandy’s med-bay in a standoff against Chakwas, the next she was slammed back into the past where sugary sweetness filled her tongue, laughter was loud and a stranger had words of portent for her.

> When the daughter of Demeter and Poseidon looms in your sight, fate twists and path splits. Life or death, it all lies in your hands.

Liara stood at the crossroads. Shepard was destined to be the rock the galaxy needed to bounce off to get it out of its cyclical rut. Without Shepard, the Reapers would destroy everything Liara knew and loved, the cycle would continue as it always had. Asaris, turians, salarians, humans and all the other races would fade like the protheans did. Bones ground to dust, leaving nothing but whispered myths and forgotten legends. 

Liara had the echoes of the beacons ringing in her head from her attempt to help Shepard sort through them. She had tasted the horror of a long dead civilisation, the fear of a million souls extinguished in an instant, the inexorable tide that was the Reapers. It was not something she would wish upon anyone. 

But the protheans did not have Shepard, they did not have time to complete the Crucible. 

For better or ill, Shepard was that rock upon the galaxy’s fate would turn. She had thrown herself into that fire many times over despite the pain, suffering and sheer stubbornness of the Council. Liara would cry, she would weep, but she would still pick up the broken shards of Shepard, put her back together so that she could go back out there and do it all over again.

Liara drew herself up, taking in Shepard’s lifeless and ashen form. A slab of flesh, blood and bones splayed out on a table, kept alive via tubes and drugs, machines cycling warm water to reanimate a clinically dead person. It hurt to see Shepard this way. Bruises were forming across her body from all their efforts, red scars lined her skin, evidence of a rebirth that she did not ask for. 

Did Shepard not deserve her rest? She did, but the galaxy was bigger than one woman’s hopes and desires. 

Tears stung Liara’s eyes, she couldn’t take her eyes away from Shepard. The choice rested in her hands two years ago, a choice she made with grief colouring her mind. This time Shepard still had a fighting chance. This decision wasn’t hard to make. It was one she would make over and over again as many times she needed to. Dashing her tears away, Liara squared her shoulders. “I am making the right choice.”

“Extracorporeal blood warming with partial bypass,” EDI interjected, cutting through the tension like a knife. 

Chakwas shook her head, jaw tight, grief dulling her gaze. “If she was revivable, we would have already succeeded. This is one bridge too far, even for Shepard,” she pressed her lips into a thin bloodless line, “especially for her.” She backed away from Shepard until she hit the far wall. Hands trembling, she braced against it like it was the only thing keeping her on her feet. 

Liara stared at the doctor. This was a posture she had seen Shepard take on many times before. This was defeat and exhaustion stemming from an unending life and death choices laid before her. Chakwas was burnt out. This was merely the straw upon the camel’s back. Even the strong needed relief, but in this war, there was none. 

EDI flanked Chakwas, pressed a hand on her shoulder. “No, that is incorrect. According to Project Lazarus files, when Operative Lawson rebuilt Commander Shepard, they had reinforced her body with a nephro-cardio-neuro shield that protects her vital organs against trauma and extreme temperatures. When the Commander’s core temperature dropped below 30˚C, the shield would have been initiated. There is still time.”

Chakwas looked at EDI, objections poised on her lips, but where there once an unending wave of helplessness, now was a spark of hope. And hope like that was infectious, and all it took was one ember to ignite a blaze. 

* * *

Awareness returned in lapping waves. A beeping that irritated Shepard to no end, warm air playing back against her skin with every breath she took. She tried to open her eyes, but gunk had caked them up, to work them free took an effort she didn’t have it in her. There was pain too, something she instinctively knew lay bone deep, kept away only by a deluge of drugs. Sleep tugged at her, a temptress beckoning her back to the calm emptiness. She had half a mind to give in, but whispers caught the edges of her hearing. 

“I’m sorry,” a voice said, “I’m so sorry.” 

Pressure curled against her fingers. Shepard responded in kind only to have the other person jerked their hand away. 

“Shepard?” 

Recognition flared instantly. It was only at _her_ voice Shepard summoned the strength to open her eyes. Blue filled her blurry vision. “Liara,” her voice came out in a croak as she tried to push the oxygen mask away. 

Tears were welling up in Liara’s eyes as Shepard reclaimed Liara’s hand. Her chest ached in a way not merely physical. “Why are you crying?”

Heedless of the streaks of tears down her face, Liara stilled Shepard’s hand. “Put that back on, you need it.”

Oh right, Shepard remembered. Despoina, the Leviathan, a trip 20,000 leagues under the sea. No wonder she was so fucking cold. The trip back to Normandy was probably more exciting than usual and by the looks of it, it wasn’t a simple task of slapping on some medi-gel and letting her sleep it off. She had scared Liara.

“I should get Chakwas, she’d want to know.” 

Liara’s fingers were slipping through Shepard’s again. She couldn’t ignore Liara’s tears, or pretend she didn’t see the brittle mask upon Liara’s face, not when Liara’s hand trembled as badly as her own. “Stay.”

All it took was a single word, and she had froze Liara in place. Whatever that had happened in the gaps of her memory must have been terrible, bruises and scraps never fazed Liara, not even bullet wounds or broken bones. Guilt soured her tongue as she tightened her grip over Liara’s hand, clinging onto Liara with all the strength of a new-born infant. 

“I’m sorry,” the words tumbled from Shepard’s lips. 

Liara flinched back as if struck, her eyes widened as she yanked her hand free. That tiny bit of momentum tugged Shepard’s hand out from under the heated blanket. Frigid air hit her skin like fire, setting her shivering harder than before. Liara was quick to push her hand back under. “You need to stay under the heated blanket, please Shepard.”

Her injuries didn’t bothered Shepard. She was here, she was alive. That was enough. After all, Cerberus had made her all but indestructible. She could weather anything, it was her job to, but Liara hadn’t signed up for this. This thing between them was precious, it shouldn’t be tainted by this grief. The war was far from over, there would be more times like these. Shepard couldn’t protect many in these times, but she would protect Liara, that much she vowed to do. 

“You know what they say about warming up.” Shepard tried for cheeky, but she barely got the words through her chattering teeth.

It set the frown on Liara’s face that much deeper. “I should go get Chakwas,” she insisted, trying to withdraw again. “You’re still shivering.”

“Let EDI get Chakwas,” she coaxed. “Come on.” She would have dragged Liara under the blanket if she could, but her strength was alarmingly weak. 

Liara hesitated, but Shepard was nothing if not stubborn. “I’m sure it’s just what Chakwas would have prescribed.”

Shepard could feel the fight going out of Liara. The way she held her arms taut vanished. She crawled under the blanket, letting a waft of ice-cold air in. Shepard gritted her teeth, putting on a brave face. 

The med-bay’s beds wouldn’t fit two comfortably, but even as small as the bed was, Liara had somehow managed to stay out of her reach while still laying on the bed. Ignoring how her body was protesting, Shepard shifted so that her — oh it is bare — chest pressed against Liara’s back. Pushing the oxygen mask off her face, she pressed her lips on the back of Liara’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of far away storms and promised rain.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into Liara’s skin. 

Liara’s shoulders grew taut. 

“I’m so sorry.”

Those shoulders began to shake as dampness fell against Shepard’s arm. 

“I’m so damn fucking sorry.” Shepard reached around and brushed her fingers against Liara’s cheeks, her heart aching fiercely. “I can’t promise you much with the war and all, but know that I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Liara shook her head as her body curled inwards. Her sobs grew louder as if she couldn’t hold them back any longer. Her hand gripped Shepard’s so tight it was bound to bruise. Raising it to her lips, Liara whispered into Shepard’s hand. “I am sorry.” 

Three small words, two heavy hearts, a heavy decision laid between them. Right or wrong, nobody could rightly say. But in that moment, the words weighed like lead, anchors against exhausted souls. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on my [Tumblr](https://natsora.tumblr.com/). Kudos and comments are always welcome!


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